20-year-old who can't drive accepts job 45 minutes away, balks when mom refuses to drive them back and forth: 'This is just not a job your kid can accept'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 15, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Commuting to work is a necessary evil that most of the working world has to deal with. Aside from those lucky remote workers, most of us have to figure out a way to get our behinds to the office and back every single day. If you're especially blessed, you might live within walking distance from your job. But most of us either have to drive or use public transportation to get where we need to go. It might not be a fun part of having a job, but it is a necessary one. And the thing with jobs is that you usually have to be solely responsible for yourself. You can't count on anyone else to get you there, because what happens when they flake? You can't just call out of work whenever your ride bails. 

That's the hard lesson one 20-year-old had to learn when they accepted a job they had no means of getting themselves to. Read on for the story and see what you think.

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    Cheezburger Image 10441476608
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITAH: My kid wants me to drive 3 hours a day taking them to/from work. I said no.
    via u/Randomwhitelady2
  • 03
    My 20 year old child was offered a job 45 minutes from our house. They have no drivers license yet, and a car that was given to them, but they do not drive due to having no license.
    via u/Randomwhitelady2
  • 04
    They were just offered a job at a location 45 minutes from our house. Taking them to/from work every day would take me 3 hours. I work from home, and I have responsibilities. Also I just do not want to drive for 3 hours every day. I wouldn't do that for ANY job. My kid says I should be supportive and drive them, but I am just not going to do it. I told them that this was an unreasonable request, and I'd be willing to do one trip (1.5 hours) only. There isn't run public transportation here either
    via u/Randomwhitelady2
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    Edit: I use the words "child" and "kid" because they are non binary, not because I am implying that they are not an adult. Edit 2 for more info: They did have a learners permit at one time and allowed it to expire. They did not want to learn to drive with our cars because we have two stick shift vehicles. They have had a car for 4 months that is not a stick shift. A long standing anxiety
    via u/Randomwhitelady2
  • 06
    disorder/therapy is ongoing. We moved to the country (not near public transportation) one year ago from a more urban suburb with public transportation. My adult child does currently have a job 20 minutes away and I spend 1 hour and 20 minutes each day going to/from there. This is due to driving there, going back home (I wfh), then going back later to pick them back up.
    via u/Randomwhitelady2
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    ETFromme ⚫ 16h ago • No. Why did they even apply if they didn't know how to drive and couldn't get there?
    via u/ETFromme
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    Randomwhitelady2 OP 15h ago • They assumed I would take them. They are saying that they will get their license, but it does take several months to get it after you get a provisional license. I'm not even willing to drive 3 hours every day for one month.
    via u/Randomwhitelady2
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    Smashy-B 16h ago NTA. unless you gave a car to a kid without a license. if it were 20 minutes away? give the kid a lift. get yourself a nice coffee or a breakfast and start the day slow. but 45 each way? h Ino.
    via u/Smashy-B
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    Flat_Contributi... 15h ago • NTA. Pose these questions to your adult dependent: 1. What is your backup plan if I am too sick to get out of bed? 2. What are you going to do if I have a work meeting that starts at the beginning of your shift?
    via u/Flat_Contribution707
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    3. Do you expect me to never go on work trips or vacations ever again? Remind them that they have a car sitting in the driveway and they are old enough to go to the DMV alone.
    via u/Flat_Contribution707
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    Right_Count 16h ago • lol of course NTA. That's an insane request. Even one way... what a waste of time/gas/car wear. This is just not a job your kid can accept.
    via u/Right_Count
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    Worth-Season3... 16h ago NTA..."I will not spend three hours out of my day driving you to and from work. I will help you get a driver's license".
    via u/Worth-Season3645
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    louisianab 15h ago Uber. their money, not yours.
    via u/louisianab
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    ODB247 14h ago My kid wrecked my car and I got a new one that he wasn't allowed to drive. He got a beater but it broke down quickly and it didn't make a bit of sense for me to pay to fix it. I gave him time and a deadline to find a ride to/from
    via u/ODB247
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    work. It was 45-60min there and back every Saturday and Sunday, meaning about 3-4 hours per day for me to do drop off and pick up. It cost me more in gas than he made. He was SO mad at me for "making" him quit, I really think it took him a long time to stop being mad about it.
    via u/ODB247
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    You have to do hard things sometimes. And it s ks to be seen as the bad guy. NTA though.
    via u/ODB247
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    • goldenfingernails 15h ago • NTA. Kid needs to get the drivers license pronto. Take them to the DMV and have them do their test. Otherwise, they are SOL and need to learn to plan better. At 20 years of age, they can't expect their parent to bail them out because of their poor planning.
    via u/goldenfingernails
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    Walktothebrook • 15h ago . NTA. Until they choose to get a license their employment options will be limited to walking and public transportation.
    via u/Walktothebrook
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    . Ornery-Process 15h ago NTA for not driving them work. The bigger issue is it seems you've enabled some learned helplessness. Just the fact that your kid thinks it's reasonable to even ask you to drive them 3 hours round trip speaks volumes. Also you mention your kid
    via u/Ornery-Process
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    may have anxiety/ procrastination that's preventing them from getting. their license. What are you doing to address this? Might they possibly have undiagnosed ADHD or some neurodivergence?
    via u/Ornery-Process
  • 22
    sweadle 15h ago • • 20 year olds with no license can't accept jobs 45 minutes away. They need to get their license and then look for a job. Because what if something happens and they don't get it? They waited until 20 without worrying about it. Make sure that not getting a license affects THEIR life not yours.
    via u/sweadle
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    Inner-Try-1302 . 15h ago • NTA and based on your responses you have made it way too comfortable to just avoid responsibility. They need to figure out adulting even if it makes them uncomfortable.
    via u/Inner-Try-1302
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    Make them drive whether they like it or not and don't do anything for them until they agree to start shouldering some responsibilities Lemme guess.... They're doing nothing but sticking their face in a screen and living like a perpetual adolescent since graduation two years ago?
    via u/Inner-Try-1302

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childcare aita job kids work moms driving parenting dad workplace cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids adult children Parenting Fail drivers license parents children Parenting FAILS
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